Just to clarify, my partner and I spent over 9 months constantly communicating and discussing boundaries, limits, and expectations before getting involved sexually with another couple.
What we were unprepared for was the way our bodies would react to being with other people. After nearly 15 years together, we assumed being with another like-minded and attractive couple would turn us both on.
We were both surprised when it didn't.
That wasn't something we could have prepared for before experiencing it.
I'm not sure this experience can be so easily chalked up to our lack of effort. Inexperience with the emotions associated with the sexual part of swinging, definitely.
Btw, I read your piece B the B. I love the philosophy of being what we used to be to our spouses and the way you articulated that...beautiful work.